âPlease do not make me do something like that again! I am serious!â
This was the first nagging I heard the moment I regained consciousness.
I asked how many days I was unconscious and was told three. I jokingly said that that wasnât much compared to before, but Jeremi glared daggers at me.
âDo you know how difficult it has been for me? I thought my eyes would pop out trying to treat that disciple of mine, the minister, and Your Highness.â
Jeremi placed her hand against her forehead as she recalled her dreaded experience.
âThe three of you were also half-deadâŠâŠwhich did not make things easier.â
âYes, yes. You did well. Are the other two okay?â
âYour Highness was in the worst condition. No one could possibly compare to your near-death state. Your teeth were all chipped and your muscles were a mess. You only managed to survive because you are a Demon Lord.â
According to Jeremi, she had to use all of the precious and rare herbs, which she had been treasuring, to treat the three of us.
Treating the wounds wasnât a problem. The issue was trying to treat our bodies in a way that left behind no scars. Getting rid of scars on bodies riddled with wounds was no different from carrying out surgery.
Candles were lit to prevent tetanus, while surgical tools and various potions were utilized to restore the skin. The surgery would get complicated if the wounds closed, so she had to hastily restructure our flesh while also carrying out our treatment. Jeremi had to work for three days straight.
She performed surgeries by herself for forty hours. Her stress was understandable. What else could I do? I behaved like a patient and quietly listened to Jeremiâs complaints.
âScars are like medals for men, right? That is why I treated Your Highness last.â
âWait, but Iâm still a Demon LordâŠâŠ.â
âIf youâre a lord, then please act like one.â
Jeremi lashed out at me with a face filled with exhaustion.
âHence that is why I intentionally left two scars.â
âUgh.â
Jeremi was probably asking me to reflect on myself.
âI thought that I responded to the situation rather well. Did I not?â
âWell, as a ruler, that was the best response, but as a person, that was the worst.â
Jeremi took out a pipe and started to smoke some unknown herb.
âOh, give me one too.â
âDonât even dream about smoking until your wounds are healed.â
What a wicked woman.
âAre you aware that the Chancellor of State Affairs is currently abstaining from food and water? She hasnât eaten anything for the past three days. But thatâs on the better end. The Military Affairs Minister has been staring blankly at the air like some lunatic. That disciple of mineâŠâŠseemed perfectly fine, but sheâs always been an abnormal case.â
In other words, my Demon Lord Castle was like a wake.
I bluntly responded with an, âIs that so?â. Jeremi gave me a blank look.
âYou have done well. You can go back and get some rest now.â
âDo you not fear death, Your Highness?â
ââŠâŠI never expected to be asked that by an assassin.â
I stared at the ceiling.
âI do fear it. However, I was certain that I wouldnât die.â
âYou are seriously uncontrollable.â
Jeremi shook her head. She then proceeded to pack her surgery tools and candles before leaving the room. I didnât forget to tell her to bring Lapis to me.
Shortly later, Lapis entered my room. Before I could give her any form of greeting, Lapis immediately groveled.
âLapis, come here.â
Lapis kept her head down as she stood back up. She approached a few steps before promptly groveling again. Her stubbornness was palpable as she refused to look me in the face. I smiled bitterly.
âCloser.â
A childish battle of nerves unfolded. Lapis would approach whenever I told her to get closer, but she would grovel again after only a few steps. This repeated over and over again until Lapis finally arrived in front of me.
âCloser.â
ââŠâŠ.â
Lapis ended up standing right next to my bed. I couldnât see her expression because she was lowering her head, but it didnât matter. I could easily tell what she was thinking. She clearly thought that all of this was her responsibility.
Why didnât she stop Laura beforehand? Why didnât she save Daisy? If she had taken care of matters a little sooner, then her lord wouldnât have had to get injured.
However, she couldnât apologize. She couldnât say that she was sorry. All because she understood what resolve I made to shoulder that punishment.
Do not inquire further into this incident. This is my responsibility. I allocated the punishment with this intent in mind.
If Lapis apologizes to me here, then she would be taking that responsibility from me. She would be denying my resolve and wounds.
Thatâs why Lapis knew that she shouldnât. Even if she felt tormented by guilt, she couldnât utter an apology in order to respect my will.
Hence why I silently held her hand. I could feel the bony back of her hand. She had been abstaining from food and water for the past few days, right?
âSorry, Lapis.â
ââŠâŠ.â
âSorry.â
I donât apologize to people. Thatâs because apologies come from two-way relationships.
Itâs my fault. Iâm sorry. Forgive me. Give me another chance. I wonât do it again. In other words, these words hold the expectation of âcontinuingâ to stay togetherâŠâŠ.
The apology and forgiveness dynamics cannot be established if the other party is dead. This is obviously because you cannot spend your future together with someone whoâs already dead.
You cannot apologize or be forgiven. Apologizing in this situation would only be a verbal expression. No one can live my life in my stead. Similarly, no one can die in another personâs stead and apologize. This was extremely obviousâŠâŠ.
The sole exception to this rule is Lapis.
She gave me the chance to succeed, helped me, plotted with me a way to make the continent fall into despair, and continued to stay with me afterward.
A long silence flowed by. Lapis raised her head.
She looked more haggard than usual, but it was still Lapis in front of me. Her blue eyes that always stared at people clearly, although expressionlessly. They were eyes that I truly liked.
ââŠâŠI will make sure that something like this never happens again.â
âYeah. I also wonât resort to this kind of method again.â
âThat is a promise, Your Highness.â
I gladly accepted that promise.
Î
* * *
Î
I recovered from my injuries comparatively faster than usual and got out of bed.
The Saintess will get suspicious if I donât show myself for too long. Not only her. I have the attention of the continent on me. They may have not been found yet, but there are numerous spies planted throughout my territory.
Weird rumors would formulate if I stay confined at home for too long. It was especially bad since I left during the festival. In other words, everyone was watching as I left. There was a risk that groundless rumors might be created.
I couldnât stay bedridden even if I was hurt. This was the fate of humans.
Jeremi latched on to me rather persistently.
âAre you truly okay? Truly?â
âAh, Iâm all better now. Would I lie to you?â
âYes.â
ââŠâŠ.â
An immediate response.
A lord who was barely trusted by his vassals was standing right here.
âIâll immediately tell you if something weird happens, so let me go for now. Okay?â
I eventually managed to persuade Jeremi.
âŠâŠTo be honest, I still couldnât feel my back yet.
It felt like all of the nerves on my back had died as it was the only place I could barely feel. I experimented by stabbing a sharp needle in my back, but it only felt like a blunt fingernail.
My body itself had recovered, so this was probably a psychological problem. Mental disabilities are quite an issue.
Iâm not sure if this is an aftereffect, but I sometimes wake up feeling the same intense pain I felt while getting whipped. That pain would sometimes fuse together with my nightmares. Those moments were terrible.
The usual three hours of sleep Iâd get had shrunken further as I now got about four to five hours of sleep every two days. But that was still enough. I may have never thanked myself before, but Iâve been thanking my body dozens of times every day.
After going to the village town hall to show off to my people that I was still alive and well, I went to visit Daisy. Naturally, Daisy was resting in her room and not that accursed underground prison.
Daisy turned to glance at me once I opened the door and entered her room.
She then went back to reading her book. She didnât get up even though her Lord had visited her. A cheeky slave as usual.
âAre you still resting? What a lazy child.â
âUnlike you, Father, I am but a normal human.â
Daisy responded without looking away from her book.
âMy entire body is still sore, so I cannot muster the strength to welcome you properly. I hope for your understanding.â
âThereâs no way a normal child would read a book like this.â
I smirked as I took the book from Daisyâs hands. <Rules for the Direction of the Mind (Regula ad directionem ingeni)> was written on the cover in the Ancient Imperium language. Daisy narrowed her eyes and glared at me after her book was suddenly taken away from her.
âPlease return the book. I was at an interesting part.â
âDonât misunderstand. I did not shoulder the punishment for your sake.â
My words were completely spontaneous, but it was still enough to make Daisy shut her mouth.
âIf I forgive the Military Affairs Ministerâs actions, then you would simply become a pitiful victim. Victims are those in the right. I simply did not wish to let you take the position of the right.â
ââŠâŠI know.â
Daisy let out a light sigh.
âHow could I not know your intentions, Father?â
âThen why were you reading? Do not try to trick my eyes. Reading when by yourself is simply reading, but reading when someone has visited you is escapism.â
I smirked.
âYou are finding it difficult to face me properly. That is why you tried to avoid me. You must feel indebted to me. Tell me if I am wrong.â
âHumans do not only have heads. They have hearts as well.â
Daisy scowled.
âEven if I know what you are thinking, Father, how could I possibly erase my human heart as well?â
âYour logic is so trifling that it is laughable. In other words, you are still lacking. I am not telling you to remove your human heart. I am telling you to not reveal it to others!â
I threw the book to the ground and shouted.
âThere are two reasons why people reveal their hearts to others. One is to show off your strength and the other is to ask for sympathy. People who show off their strength thoughtlessly will create needless enemies, and people who ask for sympathy end up pitying themselves. Either way, both options are only done by clowns! Is that what you intend to become?â
ââŠâŠ.â
Daisy clenched her teeth. She didnât refute my words, so I was probably right. I raised the corners of my mouth.
âI heard that you cut ties with your family. I do feel a little sorry for you. I will at least praise the fact that you were able to hide this from me for two years.â
ââŠâŠ.â
This was the second praise I had ever given her, but she didnât seem pleased by it at all. As usual, what an uncute child. I teasingly tapped Daisyâs forehead before turning around.
âThe Military Affairs Minister will come to apologize to you. Do not forgive her.â
I could feel Daisyâs confusion from behind me.
âWhy is that? Is she not one of your precious concubines?â
âI do not have a concubine. Laura did temporarily become weaker because of me; however, that does not change the fact that she is still a great individual who does not have to apologize to others to be allowed to live. Laura is strong.â