Chapter 4 â Sleep, until your life is over ⢠Episode 4â1 â Succubus âĄ
Translated by KaiesV
Edited by KaiesV
The sound of knives tapping on cutting boards and the sound of simmering ingredients are used as background music while the player controls characters from an indie action game from a long time ago. At first, players can only perform monotonous actions such as jumping and attacking, but as they explore the map and defeat bosses located in various areas, their equipment becomes more faithful and they can do more. The more I can do, the more I can explore the map, and the more I can do, and the more I play, the more I enjoy the game.
I had been interested in this game since I saw the PV when it was first released, but I had put it off for some reason because I had other games I wanted to play. However, when I finally got around to playing it, I found that it is indeed a highly acclaimed game. I found myself playing with my friends, forgetting to eat or sleep, and Futaba, who happened to come by to check on me, saw my emaciated appearance and got angry with her a lot.
That was yesterday, and I was enjoying the rest of the game in high spirits, having eaten well and slept well and feeling 100 times more energetic, when Futaba came over again yesterday and began to make lunch with great dexterity.
I told her that there was no need for her to come, that I had already eaten breakfast today and that she was probably busy after the summer break at the university, but she said that I looked worse than I thought I did yesterday and that she would check on me every day for a while. Thatâs how we are waiting for the meal to be ready while playing the game.
Well, I donât doubt that Futaba meant what she said because she was really worried and angry about the mess yesterday, but thatâs not the only reason why she comes to check on me every day.
I was completely screwed because I didnât pursue it deeply before, but it seems that Futabaâs Magical Girl friend who snuck into this house to spy on my transformation was, surprisingly, Doppelganger-san. And Doppelganger-san has asked me what I said aboutătaking my family backăthe day of that competition, when I forgot to turn off the comms. I had completely forgotten about it because she didnât pursue it on the spot, but later Futaba asked me what I meant by that word. She was wondering if perhaps her brother is involved in some kind of Magical Girl related case.
It was not a good idea to say something thought-provoking before the competition. I said, âI canât tell you now, but I will surely lead you to a happy ending.â Probably Futaba guessed from those contents that Mizukami RyĹichi was involved in something serious. It was a perfectly good solution, but I couldnât confess the fact at this point, and in the end, I managed to escape Futabaâs pursuit by repeating that I couldnât say anything at the moment. Futaba has never mentioned it to me since then, but Iâm sure sheâs concerned about it.
And one more thing. Maybe this is the most important thing, but Futaba insisted insistently that I should go to school. Unlike earlier, this topic has been repeated over and over again, so I think the persuasion will begin again today after the meal. At first she thought I was a truant, or why I didnât want to go to school, or if I was being bullied or something, she cut me off to go to a different school, somehow, after learning that my family register didnât exist, she came to the realization that I had never been enrolled in school in the first place, and that I could go to school even if I didnât have a family register, she began to talk to me about how there were many children the same age as RyĹ-chan at the elementary school and how she was sure I would make friends with them.
If Mizukami RyĹ is, as Futaba mistakenly believes, a tragic girl who never entered elementary school and is fighting for her life while her family is involved, then this is a completely agreeable argument, unfortunately, Mizukami RyĹ is only a fictional existence, and here I am Mizukami RyĹichi, a 30-year-old man who graduated from elementary school long ago without making a single friend. How can she now say I will attend elementary school? I donât want to go to elementary school.
Perhaps because I was slightly depressed that I was going to be lectured again after the meal, I couldnât concentrate on the game, my hand went crazy, and the boss beat me.
ăHaahâă
ăThatâs a big sigh. Whatâs troubling you, RyĹ-chan?ă
It seems that Futaba, who brought the finished dishes, saw me, and she asked me that in a worried voice. As expected, itâs hard to say here that Iâm depressed about being lectured. Because I know that Futaba is also thinking about me and saying that.
ăNo, itâs nothing serious.ă
ăReally? If you have any problems, you can talk to me about anything.ă
ăOkay, I appreciate it.ă
Worries, worries. To be honest, it is a kind of escape from reality that I am now getting involved in a game that I never touched before and that I forget to eat and sleep. I know that myself, but then I donât know what else to do. Why did Elephant-san do that?
When I think back to that day, my face naturally turns red and I remember the touch of her lips on mine.
ăIâItadakimasu!ă
ăMmph, RyĹ-chan. You donât have to be so impatient, the food wonât run away from you. Itadakimasu.ă
Once I become aware of it, I can no longer do it, and I can only think of that time. Not wanting this to be obvious, Futaba chuckled somewhat happily and began to eat herself as she devoured the food that was brought to her desk.
.
ââââI like you, Sylph-chan. I love you. I want to make you my own. I donât want to give you to anyone. Even if itâs your family, Sylph-chan.
The words that Chisaki-san told me after she kissed me. Of course, I love her. I really love her. But of course, that was my feeling as a friend. I thought Chisaki-san was the same. Chisaki-san is very nice to me, but itâs not because Iâm special, Chisaki-san is just nice to me. I thought I was just one of Chisaki-sanâs many friends.
But maybe thatâs not what Chisaki-san was talking about that day. Itâs true that I have never had any friends other than Chisaki-san, and I am aware that Iâm not familiar with the subtleties of human relationships, but I still know that friends do not kiss each other. That shouldnât be any different for girls or boys.
So, I think what Chisaki-san meant when she said âI love youâ to me back then was âI love you romanticallyâ.
I couldnât understand why. I guess Chisaki-san was busy after her summer vacation, but until that day, the distance between me and Chisaki-san seemed to be widening rather than shrinking. We hadnât seen each other at all and hadnât kept in touch. And yet, as soon as I saw her for the first time in a while, it was like that.
I didnât know what was going on that day, and I was in a blank state of mind all the way home. Back at the venue of the victory celebration, Chisaki-san was behaving as usual as if nothing had happened, nor was there anything particularly unusual that had happened in the recent past.
Besides, she told me she likes me, but I donât know what Chisaki-san wants from me on top of that. Chisaki-san may joke around, but sheâs not the kind of lousy person who would lie and make fun of me like that. So even though I donât know Chisaki-sanâs inner thoughts, I think what was said is true. But itâs not like she asked me for a relationship, and I wonder what she meant when she said she would make me fall in love with her.
Or rather, in the first place, which me was it that Chisaki-san said she liked?
The Magical Girl Tyrant Sylph? Or a girl named Mizukami RyĹ? It canât be Mizukami RyĹichi, by any chance. I have never met Chisaki-san as the real me, even though I have shown her pictures.
What did she like about me like this? Iâm not the kind of person that anyone would love. Iâve known that for a long, long time. Long, long ago.
But even though I donât understand it, I still believe Chisaki-sanâs words. I am happy no matter which part of me Chisaki-san likes. I am happy no matter which part of me she likes.
That is why it pains me that I would not be able to reciprocate such a favor from Chisaki-san.
The feeling I have for Chisaki-san is surely friendship. My special feelings for Chisaki-san havenât changed since before, and the feelings of warmth, excitement, and happiness in my heart when I think of her have always been the same. Ever since Chisaki-san took my hand and became my friend, she has been the best for me. If that hasnât changed since she confessed her love for me, then I guess this feeling I have is friendship. I donât want to lie to Chisaki-san, who is always sincere to me without any falsehood. Because she was my only and most precious friend.
My most important friendâŚâŚ
Then why am I trying to be a man againâŚâŚ?
Because I want to start over with my family, but Iâm separated from Chisaki-san because of that, and I am just alright with thatâŚâŚ?
âââ â â â â â ?
Yes, Iâm alright with that. Iâm an old man, I shouldnât take advantage of her forever.
Besides, even if this feeling of mine wasnât friendship, Chisaki-san deserves better. Someone more deserving than the selfish, cowardly, negative, childish meâŚ
But I still donât want to leave her.
I was so ready to leave, but because of what Chisaki-san did to me, Iâm lost again.
I was happy that Chisaki-san thought of me in a special way, just as I think of her in a special way.
Do I really have to go back?
People will eventually leave their families and go out on their own, I thought I had done so long ago, then why do I want to start over so badly?
âââ â â â â â ?
Do I want those two to love me?
Am I saying that if I donât face them, I canât move forward into the future?
Do I want to know if I was ever truly unloved?
I donât know, and yet my destination remains the same.
ăHaahâă
In the end, my thoughts were always a wild goose chase, and even though I thought I was thinking with my not-so-smart mind, the conclusion I arrived at was always the same. When I think I have to tell Chisaki-san the answer, I canât help but sigh.
ăMmph, if you keep sighing so much, happiness will escape. Go ahead, talk to Onee-san about anything.ă
After the meal, Futaba, who had finished cleaning up and was watching TV after taking a break, pecked me on the cheek.
There was no way I could talk to my sister about my love life. I mean, if I talk about it badly, she will try to connect it to a school story from some other angle. In such a case, the most appropriate response is to let it go.