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Chapter 2329 Survivor’s Guilt (Part 3)
“Friya and Phloria are your sisters so I knew that you cared about them. I also knew that there had to be some level of sisterly competition among you so I figured that by ‘remembering’ only your name I would make you feel special.” The Tyrant replied.
“You sure did.” Quylla sat on her bed, not knowing if being more hurt from Morok making sense or hearing Phloria’s name. “So, it’s a no on a child?”
“It’s a no if you want one because your sister died. It’s a yes if you want one because you want one.” He knelt in front of her, taking her hands. “Do you realize that for at least two months you’d be no more powerful than you are now and the baby would be at high risk on the battlefield?
“Do you want to make a child as an act of love or just forge a weapon of revenge? Before answering me, please think of what kind of story you want to tell our kid once they are old enough.”
Quylla kept her gaze low, pondering his words while Morok caressed her fingers.
The more she thought about her so-called brilliant plan, the more it unraveled into a nonsensical mess. Getting pregnant would keep her away from the War of the Griffons without giving her an edge for months.
If something were to happen to Quylla or the baby, her parents would be devastated. To make matters worse, Quylla couldn’t imagine telling her hypothetical child that the only reason they were born was to get even at Thrud.
“You are right.” She said with a sharp sigh after a while. “I don’t want to get married in the middle of a war, let alone make a child. What was I thinking? Am I such a mean person or am I just that stupid?”
A hiccup escaped her throat as shame and embarrassment piled up on the grief that already burdened her.
“Neither. You have just buried your sister.” Morok shook his head. “You are allowed to be angry and say stupid stuff, but only for a while and only with moderation. You are supposed to be the smart one.
“If you take away the ridiculous crap and the dumb jokes from me, what can I possibly bring into this relationship?”
“You bring a lot.” She said with a thin smile. “You are wiser and kinder than you look.”
Quylla hadn’t laughed but she hadn’t cried either which was enough for Morok.
“Let’s put a pin on that for the next time I do or say something stupid.” He replied. “Would you like something to eat? If you are going back on the battlefield, you are going to need your strength.”
“I would love some hot stew and bread. Thank you.” Quylla actually didn’t feel hungry, but he was once again right.
If by the time Thrud returned Quylla’s stomach was as empty as her heart, she wouldn’t offer a decent challenge to the Forgotten. Phloria was gone and as Tessa had pointed out, nothing would bring her back.
Quylla’s priority was survival to not make her parents grieve another daughter. Revenge came a close second, but a second nonetheless.
***
Ernas Mansion, Friya’s room.
There had been no arguing or even talking between Friya and Nalrond. They lay together on her bed, cuddling in silence ever since the end of the funeral.
Friya couldn’t stop clenching her heart, feeling the pain from the death of her sister and from the cruel words Phloria had told Friya during their final meeting.
“Can you believe it?” She said after a while. “With her dying breath, Phloria called me a slut and a one-trick pony. She called me a parasite that has crawled inside her house. She considered me an ungrateful bitch who sold her services and her body.”
“That wasn’t you sister but the Unwavering Loyalty array.” Nalrond stopped caressing her hair and held her tight. “Phloria’s dying breath was about how much she loved you and the fact that she always considered you her sister.”
“How do you know? What makes you so sure of that?” She turned around to look him in the eyes.
“I know because that’s what you told me after you two clashed in Ne’sra. I’m sure of it because you shared with me Phloria’s final moments as a Demon.” He replied. “I wasn’t there either time but I trust you and I trust Lith.
“Why can’t you do the same?”
“Because I’m angry! I hate the fact that Lith got to talk with her one last time whereas all I got are insults are recriminations. She was my sister. He killed her and even took my last chance to talk with her away from me!” Friya said with a snarl.
‘I would like to point out that Lith is faring much worse than her, but there’s no place for logic in moments like this one.’ Nalrond thought.
“I’m sorry, babe. I wish you were there as well.” He actually said.
“Do you think she was right?” Friya asked after a few seconds.
“Who was right about what?” Nalrond said in confusion.
“Phloria.” Friya hid her face in Nalrond’s chest. “Am I really a parasite? After all, she’s dead and now I’m about to take her place. I’m going to steal her clothes, her equipment, and even her place in our parents’ hearts.
“I’m a monster.” She said with a hiccup.
“You are not a parasite and you are not going to steal anything.” Nalrond wrapped her in an embrace. “You didn’t come here with the goal to replace Phloria, you just wanted a family.
“You played no part in her death. Quite the contrary, you did everything you could to rescue Phloria. Your parents know that, just like you know that Phloria won’t ever be forgotten or replaced.
“The voice in your head that keeps berating you doesn’t belong to Phloria but to you. It’s survival guilt.”
Friya stopped crying and remembered how Nalrond was the only survivor of his own village. He had probably lost more during that single day when Dawn had escaped than Friya in her entire life, yet he was the one consoling her.
“Did you have siblings?” She asked.
“Yes. A brother and a sister.” Nalrond replied.
“Does the pain disappear with time?”
“No, it just hurts less every day until you discover that you can think back at the good moments you shared with your loved ones with an honest smile on your face.” He said with a sigh.
“For a long while, every memory you have of your sister will be a sad one. Yet don’t despair. No one can take the happy times you’ve lived with Phloria away from you. In time, remembering her smile will make you smile as well instead of cry.”
Friya looked Nalrond in the eyes, detaching from her own grief enough to appreciate him not mentioning his past or trying to compare their respective situations. It would have belittled her loss and made her feel stupid.
“Will you be here with me until that moment?” She asked.
“If you want, yes.” He nodded. “I only wish I was stronger. You’ve already surpassed me in every aspect and the next time you fight Thrud, I won’t be able to follow you.
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