Vol. 1 Chapter 20: Yumi Asakawaās reason. ā Part 3
The night of the day he finally spoke up, I lay down and thought.
As if it was an outlandish dream, he finally brandished his emotions. Now, our relationship can finally move forward and Iāll be able to say goodbye to this persona that berated Yuu every single day. Up until now, I was content to just watch her spit, but now that our bond has been rekindled sheāll have no choice but to step off.
There was just one problem. Maybe since he just started putting his feelings out there, but now heās in danger of being swallowed by them. In fact, he was so possessed by anger that he said things heādĀ neverĀ say, such as me being a stranger.
Even if it wasnāt true, his words cut me deeply and I cried. Of course, I still know he didnāt mean it, and regardless, Iāll be able to talk with him properly tomorrow. I will be honest and tell him everything.
The next day, I sat at his desk waiting for him. Yesterday I cried a lake, but I still didnāt know whether they were tears of sadness or happiness. All I knew was that my eyes were still swollen. Oh, what if he sees my face and blames it on himself? Iāll need to clear up that misunderstanding then.
After a few moments in thought, Yuu finally walks into the classroom with a happy smile plastered on his face. I raised my hand lightly to greet him, but, for some reason, he was dumbfounded and ignored me. As I tried to make out what was wrong, he finally said something.
āThatās my seat. Scram.ā
Looks like I was the only one able to sort out my feelings, but I guess itās understandable. Iād do the same if I suddenly poured out years of bottled-up feelings. Thatās why I spun my next words as gently as I could as if admonishing him.
āYuu, I see youāre finally open about your feelings, but yesterdayās joke was harsh. I was upset to hear you didnāt think of me as a friend, even if that was banter on your part. Besides, call me Yumi like you usedāā
āItĀ wasnātĀ a joke.ā
Before I could even finish, he cut my words off with a violent tone. Rather than subsiding, his anger only seemed to grow, and the glimmer in his eyes flickered out. It was then I felt a sense of urgency. The situation deviated extremely far from what Iād expected, and I have to calm him down somehow.
āHey, Yuu? Stop pretending to be mad at me. Iām sorry if I did something, but itās about yoāā
āYouāre sorryā¦? What good is apologizing now? My heart is already in shambles because ofĀ you peopleĀ always denying my every feeling. Even if you uncrumple a piece of paper, trying to put it back together, the wrinkles will never fade. Never.ā
I didnāt want to believe it, but as soon as those words parted from his lips, I understood. All he felt for me was anger and hatred. My cooperation was essential for him to regain his true self, but he doesnāt understand that. To him, Iām only a lousy cheater who kept berating him for no reason at all.
An iron-cold hand squeezed my heart, and my face scrunched up.
āTāthatāsā¦ My effortsā¦ For what Iāveā¦ā
I was unable to wrap my head around his venom-laced words. Regret grabbed every inch of my bowels and twisted, despair taking every bit of space in my mind. Everything Iāve done has been denied. No, no, no, no, no. I have to look forward and explain it properly, but I canāt meet his eyes. Before my murky feelings spilled over, before even tears rolled down my face, I ran out of the classroom.
I donāt remember exactly what happened from there, but I found myself collapsed on my bed. From the lack of light, I understood night had already fallen.
My heart was in tatters from this unacceptable reality, one in which he completely rejected me. Iād worked so hard forĀ ourĀ future, and yet this is what I get for sacrificing those days we couldāve spent together.
ā¦However, I canāt give up.
Was what I did wrong? Regardless, no matter how many tears drip to the floor, no matter how much I mourn, the past will never change. But now I need to figure out a way to explain everything to him. That we didnāt break up because I hated him; that I didnāt berate him because I found him any of those thingsā¦ I have to tell him somehow.
Despite my determination, I couldnāt find one lead to improve this whole situation, and time passed by unbothered.
Furthermore, when I saw that junior walking into the classroom with him, both having a blast of a conversation, my heart almost tore itself out of my chest. I also donāt understand why he talked to a random girl with brightly colored hair from that stupid school without hesitation.
I noticed he was softer than the day he cut me off, so I was left wondering if heād still treat me the same. Before I even knew it, everything passed by me.
Why wasnāt I in their position?
While I donāt know the relationship between him and those girls, I could tell from afar that something was going on. I donāt think Iām in any way inferior to them, yet here I am. The only loser.