CH 20.4

Vol. 1 Chapter 20: Yumi Asakawa’s reason. — Part 4

Despite me being such a loser, I finally got a chance.

Sick of the lack of progress in my daily life, I decided to go to school a little earlier than usual. It’s said the first two hours after waking up are the ones when people’s heads spin the most. I figured that, if there were fewer students around, I’d be able to walk, think, and relax.

In spite of my efforts, I couldn’t come up with a single good idea. I finally arrived at school, and as I walked inside the building feeling mildly depressed, I heard a voice laced with a mixture of impatience and anger.

“Kurosaki! Are you hurt?!”

No way I’d ever mistake Yuu’s voice. I quickly hid behind one of the shoe racks to avoid detection, and when I quietly peeked in, I saw the girl he ran towards being that junior who always stuck close to him. Her locker was strewn with countless studs, yet she still put on a smile not wanting to worry him, a face that didn’t suit the situation.

Although nothing serious seems to have happened, Yuu was still extremely worried and took her to class. I saw his intense feelings being directed at someone else, and a murky feeling welled up inside. After suppressing these emotions, I thought about it.

Why is she being bullied?

I don’t know her personally, but at the very least she doesn’t seem like a bad girl or someone who’d be bullied. She may have some resentment pointed at her due to her good looks, but she had a lot of friends. It was unlikely she was attacked by girls. As for the boys, no one would go out of their way to attack such an outgoing junior who’d walk into another classroom just to talk to her seniors. If they knew there was no way of winning, they wouldn’t just hold a grudge.

This means that the culprit is someone who hates Yuu. Certainly, if their gull is big, then hurting those close to him would bear more damage. However, when I checked my shoebox I found nothing. I wonder if I’d be a target if it happened before the summer vacation. But if so, I have a feeling they’d act sooner. Why now that I’ve been rejected—

No, what if it’s because I was rejected?

I know it’s weird to say so myself, but I’m the envy of many. Some students even treat me as if I were a goddess or something. So what if one of them saw me crying and scattered those thumbtacks to enact revenge?

My steps toward the classroom naturally quickened, and as I approached my destination, I heard Yuu’s voice just as I did before. The fact my supposition became a reality troubled me. What should I do? Maybe he’ll think I’m the culprit. Still, if I stop walking inside, I’ll look suspicious in the eyes of everybody.

I have no choice but to go on. Trying to look as calm as I could, I quietly walked in. The first thing I saw was Yuu, his back turned to me, and his gaze tipped with ink.

Are you trying to represent my feelings, whoever you are? Thanks to you, there’s a good chance people will think I’m the mastermind behind it all. As I thought that, Yuu looked back with shallow breathing as if struck with fear. Our eyes met for the first time in a while, yet I still couldn’t bear to look him directly in the eye.

If he thinks I’m the culprit, I’ll have no way of proving my innocence. With that in mind, I could only look away and trudge straight to my seat. I might’ve been sitting down, but I wasn’t comfortable in the slightest. I still had to explain I didn’t do anything, but I still couldn’t meet his gaze, thinking that if he sees my hesitation, he’ll think I’m the one behind it all.

Despite my fears, the day passed by without any word from him, as if he wasn’t interested in me. I went home feeling unsettled, changed into some rough clothes, and kept mulling over how I’d prove my innocence to him.

Every second counted. After all, I should talk to him before the next crime was committed. Deciding this was my only chance, I pulled up my hair into a ponytail and darted out of my house. We lived near each other, so I could reach him in about ten minutes.

Since I had a routine of running, I arrived without breaking a sweat. I grappled with my anxiety for a few moments before hitting the intercom, which rung twice.

However, not only was there no answer, his house was pitch-dark. Judging from his behavior today, he would’ve gone straight home unless something wrong happened. In other words, the reason he wasn’t home was that something horrible was about to happen. Only one thing came to my mind: Yuu was trying to catch the culprit. Realizing that, I kicked the ground and started running at full speed to the train station.

I finally arrived at the school just as the clock hit 8 PM. Despite the numerous streetlights dotting the place, it was eerily dark. No one was there to stop me from getting in, but I still chose the entrance furthest from the shoe lockers. Then, I crept inside the building.

Hiding in the shadows, I carefully stared into the school’s entrance. About ten minutes later, I spotted someone walking in. It was Makabe, one of my classmates. I’d never even talked to him, but rumor has it he’s a big fan of mine. While I’m grateful for his support as a model, I’m not for him trying to guess my feelings and acting on them.

As he was about to enact the crime, I couldn’t stand it any longer and called him off. Then out of the shadows, right behind Makabe, Yuu walked out as though he knew everything.

From that point on, the conversation was something even I could barely listen to. Yuu lightly brushed aside Makabe’s childish arguments without even a sliver of interest in his words. Realizing there was no way he’d talk to Yuu, the culprit turned to me and clutched miserably at his last straw.

“A, Asakawa-san, say something! I did this all for you, all so you could laugh from the bottom of your—”

“What are you on about? When did I ask you to do anything? You’re guessing my thoughts and feelings, hurting others without me knowing, and now you’re selfishly throwing your selfishness on… —?!”

I was about to cut him off without listening to his lame excuses when my words, which were directed at him, turned around and pierced me. The knife I used to stab him also stabbed me and what I did. However, I regained composure and kept up with my strong tone.

“A, anyway, I didn’t ask you to do jack all! You weren’t even in my sight, to begin with. Stop playing the victim and just accept your punishment.”

When I came to, Makabe had shamelessly run away, leaving only Yuu and me by the shoe lockers.

“…I guess the harassment will stop now.”

“…Guess so.”

For the first time in what felt like ages, I was having a conversation with him. There was no anger, no hatred laced in his words, only the cool breeze that carried them while tickling my cheeks. I truly just wanted to savor the moment, but my thoughts slowly eroded into the truth.

“Why are you here, Asakawa?”

“W, well…”

I’m basically certain at this point. To put it all into perspective again, I thought back to what happened and what I said just now. Every single word I said to Makabe also applied to me and what I did.

Not once did I try to ask him to open himself up to me. I just guessed on my own and tried to satisfy my selfish desires by hurting him. As a result, the only thing left in his heart was the indelible wound of being betrayed and abandoned by someone he trusted, and to rub salt in the wound, I kept dragging a knife in his grooves by berating him every day.

Now I truly understand how annoying it is to impose misguided speculation on others, after seeing Makabe and experiencing his selfishness firsthand.

Seconds that felt like ages passed, yet he still stood there waiting for me without saying a word. It was as if his silence urged me to say something, though I had no reason to believe it. I broke his heart so many times, that there’s no way he’d ever forgive me.

This is the last time I’ll ever get a chance of talking to him, so I had to try and reach his heart with an apology at the very least.

T/N: I’ve read ahead and I can say that he doesn’t just disregard every bad thing she did to him. Their relationship won’t be fixed as the other two, so, at least for now, don’t worry.