-san: A polite suffix, but not excessively formal.
-kun: A common suffix among friends and younger people.
-chan: A common suffix among people youâre close with, mostly used for feminine nicknames and girls, since itâs cutesy and childlike.
-senpai: A common suffix and noun used to address or refer to oneâs older or more senior colleagues in a school, workplace, dojo, or sports club.
Her dignified tone robbed the summer of its heat, and a skin-cutting cold followed soon after. Every one of her words seeped through my heart, erasing the mess my head was in. Even the cries of the soon-to-be-dead cicadas fell on deaf ears. My lips were dry. Anger, regret, but most of all a hurricane of emotions swirled inside.
Did you lie about seeing someone else just to make me tell you what I really thought?
Did you abuse me for such a long time just so I would open myself up to you?
From my current point of view, my past self mistook kindness for obedience. I thought the only way to enact goodness was to swallow every other personâs ideas without tasting or spitting them out. Only recently have I realized I was wrong.
So from what she told me, Asakawa was tormented by my past lapdog behavior which was the crux of all her actions. Immediately after breaking up, her behavior did a 180, and it all made sense now.
âAs if something like thatâs possible.
ââŚIf only you just told me,â these words came from the trenches in my heart; a cry from my past self. She noticed something I hadnât at the time, so if only sheâd just communicated our relationship wouldâve been completely different from what it is now.
âIâm so sorry. We were childhood friends and then started going out. We were together all the time back then, so I just assumed I knew everything about you.â
As if she fully understood her own guiltâas if she understood what I was thinkingâshe apologized. There was a longing for an unattainable future, something that never disappeared, and then a sense of loss.
Her apology was enough to quell my boiling feelings. Back then, I was afraid of speaking my mind due to the fear of ruining my relationship with another, and Iâd overestimated my own common sense. Both were my mistakes which Iâve already admitted and forgiven.
Everyone makes mistakes. Whether from misunderstandings, assumptions, or just blind faith. If we can all understand that and move on, we can move forward again.
However, Asakawa had one problem.
Looking back, what Kurosaki and Yui did were gentle in comparison. With my heart untattered, their wounds were reparable. Yet there was one thing I couldnât overlook, no matter what.
Asakawaâs affair. That was the one thing I could not look past. Even if my resentment for her disappears, it doesnât mean the past stops existing. Even if it was all a lie born from her love of me, I still couldnât.
I looked down and breathed deeply. Then, I looked straight into her expectant eyes.
ââŚI misunderstood the meaning of kindness, too. Taking everything like some kind of sl*ve wasnât really being good. Sometimes, true kindness is to think of the other person, bumping them back into the right path. Thatâs what you mustâve felt back then as well, butââ
âMy actions canât be forgiven without punishment.â
Before I could finish, she cut me off. Asakawa understands me after all. Thatâs why Iâll have to cut off my past self completely, and in order to do so, I need to end this relationship once and for all.
Thatâs whyâŚ
âThatâs why weâre not childhood friends anymore.â
The wind stopped. Unlike last time, she took these parting words straight on. No anger, no hatred, only a satisfied smile.
ââŚOkay. Iâm sorry.â
A single tear spilled from the corner of her eye, slowly trickling down her cheek to the floor. It left a thin stain on the ground as if everything had reached the endâbut I wasnât done.
âWeâre no longer childhood friends. From now on, weâre just classmates who happen to go to school together.â
At that moment, the elastic that bound her hair together snapped and her hair stretched out against the starry night sky. Looking at her beautifully swaying strands, I realized there was calm after the storm. As if understanding my words, her expression swayed. The sadness that plagued her broke off as if unshackling her emotions.
We can no longer return to how we were. The memory of that rainy day, cold as countless knives pouring down on me would never fade. I couldnât forget the day we parted, and what she did was unforgivable.
However, I still decided to forgive her. Not out of pity or sympathy, but as a way of seizing an opportunity to change me. If I can do it, she can too. I felt that denying her the possibility of changing was denying my own.
Weâre no longer friends. No longer do we call each other by our given names, or spend time shoulder to shoulder as we had in the past. All of our experiences faded into oblivion, and now all that remained was this status as âclassmates.â
Despite all, we were still going to the same school, having the same classes with the same people. If we had to talk, we would, and if we happened to be alone with each other after class, weâd at least have some small talk. After that, the possibilities are endless.
I wonder what my fresh-out-of-summer self would think of this decision. Would he call me naĂŻve, or would he praise me for a job well done? I donât know which, but Iâd like to see myself as the hero of the cartoon show I watched that dayâŚ