Chapter 52

Editor: Re

Pr: TT

A triumphant smile spread across Myungshin’s face as he faced him.

“Thank you. As expected of Director Yoon.”

Director Yoon looked back at Chief Park while listening to Myungshin’s praise.

“Did you hear? Song Yoohan has nothing to do with this. Let’s finish this with the punishment of Assistant Kim.”

At that, Assistant Kim shouted, saying it was nonsense, but Chief Park dragged him out of the conference room. Watching him go out making a fuss, I suddenly understood what the madman said. Even if he couldn’t take Myungshin out, he could get rid of the twigs. And that twig was that person. As he left and the door closed, an awkward silence came. Myungshin looked at me and the manager with a smile, as if he was happy that Director Yoon had stepped back. As if he was saying, you can’t screw me over no matter how much you crawl and jump.

“Manager Choi, you told me to apologize before it was too late. I’m sorry. I thought the manager did something like what he did in the past again. Now, since I apologized, will you forgive me?”

The grin on his face brightened as he saw the manager’s dark expression.

“Next time we meet, I will treat you. Properly.”

The underlying meaning of the bright voice could be understood by anyone. I’ll step on you properly next time. Then, as if ignoring my existence, he turned to Director Yoon.

“I’m really glad we found the culprit. And while I’m talking about it like this, if you don’t mind, I’d like to arrange something. There is someone who really wants to meet Director Yoon.”

“Is that so?” He asked with a smile and easily agreed.

“I also wanted to meet him once, so please set a time and let me know. It’ll be my treat.”

“Yes, he will be delighted too. He likes to meet people.”

“That’s great.”

Director Yoon smiled lightly, and then he suddenly turned to me.

“Since he likes to meet people, the two of you should also go together.”

Quickly, Myungshin quickly turned his head and glared at the manager. He must have thought that he had made this offer to the manager standing next to me.

“I appreciate Director Yoon’s suggestion, but I think Manager Choi won’t like it.”

Isn’t that right? As Myungshin added, he glared at the manager.

“It’s because there is someone under him that Manager Choi may be reluctant to meet.”

He didn’t name who it was, but I could tell by the look of the manager, whose face was drained of blood. He was referring to the mad dog.

“Manager Choi, am I right?”

“… Yes.”

The manager barely muttered a reply as if the fear of the mad dog had come to mind. Satisfied, Myungshin turned to me this time and spoke to Director Yoon.

“I don’t think it’s a good place for this trainee to fit in, so there’s no need to call him…”

“Lee Taemin, aren’t you going?”

He interrupted Myungshin and asked me. I nodded at him, meeting his eyes properly for the first time since entering the room.

“No, I will go.”

And looking at Myungshin whose eyebrows were twisted, I expressed my gratitude.

“Thank you for the invitation. I’d be happy to join.”

***

It was mainly Hansoo who chatted throughout the entire trip to the set. The manager was answering on the pretext of driving, but from the occasional dark expression he seemed to be thinking about Myungshin. I was also thinking about what happened in the morning, but I was more concerned about the madman than Myungshin.

If Chairman Kim was interfering with his work, wouldn’t he eventually listen to Chairman Kim? Maybe contrary to what it looks like, he’s trying too hard to win. No, him being unable to sleep and clinging to work was proof of that. From the first time I saw him, he would go up to the rooftop while working overtime, and he would make an office space in Alice and just keep working, but I didn’t notice his efforts because his confidence was obscuring it. So, I felt like I had discovered a different side of him. It was always right in front of my eyes. And not sleeping that much and focusing only on work is something I couldn’t do either. Maybe this is why I have faith that he will win, while I am worried about the issue with Chairman Kim. It’s not because he’s an overconfident lunatic, but because he’s putting in a lot of effort.

In the shaking car, I imagined the silent suicide scene with my eyes hundreds of times. I was disturbed by the intrusive thoughts, but as I concentrated, at one point I was standing alone in the air. In a white and empty space, sets entered one by one. A gray cement roof floor, a chest-high fence built on top of it. Bang, shut the iron door behind my back. The background was only the sky.

Come, let’s go die.

The moment my body fell from the air, someone’s voice shattered the space like glass.

“Taemin, aren’t you getting off?”

When I opened my eyes, I had already arrived at the set.

The shoot had one more scene than planned. The scene where my character finishes work in the office before going up to the rooftop. He gave me a new script and explained that the director added it because the importance of my role increased, but I didn’t quite understand. Because the scene of organizing work in the office before committing suicide didn’t seem that important. Fortunately, there was nothing difficult about the acting, and the lines were short.

Wearing a clean shirt, a neat tie, and a wrinkle-free suit, my hair was fixed with gel. The glasses given as props were awkward, but when I finished preparing and went out, people’s eyes were drawn to something else. I was about to approach the desk where I had to act, but the manager and Hansoo were staring at something. Their eyes were on PD Jung and a certain woman, who were talking in the place where I was going to be acting. The two of them were talking about something, but when I approached, they turned their heads. Then he opened his eyes wide and stiffened. Why? When I turned around, he looked me up and down as if appreciating something strange.

“Wow… he looks like a completely different person. It’s no joke.”

As Hansoo exclaimed, the manager shrugged and opened his mouth.

“I knew it. Because Taemin doesn’t have a distinctively handsome face, I thought he could pull off all sorts of atmospheres. Hahaha~ I have an eye for things.”

“Yes, the atmosphere has really changed. Truly, being a little handsome is important.”

“Right, you need to be a little handsome like Taemin to look dressed up if you dress up. Haha, isn’t it nice Taemin-ah, you’re only handsome just enough.”

“…”

Clack, clack. The two of them stepped back at the same time and the manager opened his mouth.

“T- there are people… Are you going to hit me?”

I really wanted to hit him. However, the others were calling me, so I just turned around and the manager and Hansoo from behind immediately greeted me innocently saying ‘Hehe~ fighting~’. Suspecting that the two of them are enjoying themselves, I approached the desk where I was to act.

PD Jung was showing the script to an ordinary-looking woman my age and telling her something. The woman in a suit like me was a co-worker, whom I had a small chat with as I was about to leave after work. With his hand, PD Jung was directing where to stop and talk, taking into account the movement line and the position of the camera. I listened closely to the two of them, and checked my lines on the script.

‘Deputy Kim, are you going to the XXX company tomorrow afternoon? What time are you going? I also have something to go to .’

Then I just check the time and leave the office. My line was just ‘four o’clock.’ Other than that, it’s just sitting down and sorting things out. PD Jung instructed me on the route to move as he did to the actress, and I had time to prepare by sitting down first for the screen to be filmed.

It was only after that that I matched my movements with the actress for the first time. Although she had short lines, I realized that her movements were very natural. Just looking at this scene, the actress was like an extra, so it’s not like I thought she might be someone without an acting career. When she was feeling a little odd, she leaned against her cubicle and spoke to me , taking advantage of the delay with camera adjustments.

“You’ve really only been acting for two months, right?”

“Yes.”

“It’s a pretty big role for a rookie, but aren’t you nervous?”

“I am not nervous.”

“What did you do before acting?”

“Do I have to answer?”

I replied curtly, and she smiled comfortably as if she had burst into a grin she had endured.

“Just like Hyunjoon said, you’re a funny guy.”

When I remembered that the name, Hyun-joon, was the lead actor in this movie, she gave a supplementary explanation.

“I’m in the same drama company as Hyunjun. I think director Jung recommended me because he needed an actor. Maybe this role is a role that requires acting skills.”

‘Deputy Manager Kim, what time are you leaving tomorrow’, where do you need acting skills for that? I was trying to pass it off as if she was a good joker, but I remembered that the manager and Hansoo were whispering about the actress. She might be an actor whose face is more known than I think. Then her next words caught my attention.

“Besides, rumors are already spreading that the movie will come out pretty well.”

The movie wasn’t even done filming, so huh? Was this a joke too? I had doubts, but filming started soon and her words were quickly forgotten. No matter how nervous I wasn’t earlier, I couldn’t help but be nervous now when the director wanted a different tone and different movement for the scene he wanted. Thanks to the longer-than-expected filming, the suicide scene on the roof was only done after lunch.

A clear blue sky without clouds.

“Isn’t the sky really pretty today?”

PD Jung’s voice was a little excited, as if he really liked the sky. I didn’t want to put a candle to his mood, but I couldn’t help asking.

“What does the pretty sky have to do with suicide?”

As expected, my question struck a candle, and he looked at the sky as if something was vague, then looked back at me as if he had come to his senses.

“Well, I think something neat would come out. And if the last sky you will see before you die is this beautiful, wouldn’t that be meaningful?”

I raised my eyes and looked up at the sky, but I still couldn’t agree with his words. When I didn’t respond, PD Jung brought up what he was trying to say for this scene.

“First of all, Taemin, try acting freely. Have you ever thought about the moment you die?”

I knew he was talking about acting the suicide scene, but it sounded different to me.

“Yes, I have.”

“Let’s go out right now. The camera will just run all the way through long takes, so you don’t have to think about time. You can hesitate for a while before jumping, or mutter to yourself what you want to say before you die. Oh, they say people usually take their shoes off when they commit suicide, right? in the sense of leaving this world. You can take off your shoes. Um, what else…”

After thinking about it, I finally asked out loud around me. The question is, what do you do when you commit suicide? A few answers came from people.

‘I want to call someone one last time and say hello.’

‘I think I’ll look up at the sky.’

‘Ah, I want to sing my favorite song.’

A few funny answers came out and laughter spread among the staff. PD Jung also looked back at me with a smile on his lips.

“Oh, don’t you have to run in advance?”

He pointed to the chest-high iron railing. The place to shoot was a rooftop, but it was a two-tiered rooftop. Like the stairs, the upper roof is more inward than the lower one, so even if you jump down, it’s only about the height of one floor. Underneath, of course, was an air mattress. The camera was set on the side of the ledge I was about to jump off to focus on my jump. To film me in a narrow space where I could barely stand right behind the railing.

“I will just do it. Suicide is only once, but I thought it would be strange to make familiar movements as if I practiced.”

Then PD Jung said, ‘Oh, that’s right,’ and patted me on the back and went to his seat. I also stood in my spot, right inside the roof door, closed my eyes for the shoot. I recalled the scenario I had read until the paper was worn out. Neat perfectionist. Another me who was imprinted over the original me.

All work for today is done. I can die now.

When I opened my eyes, I saw an iron gate. When I lowered the long handle and opened the door, the gray cement floor was revealed in front of me. Other than that and the wall in front, nothing came into my field of vision.

Clack, clack, clack…

I stepped onto the roof and walked at a normal pace. My gaze was fixed on the iron railing in front of me, which I was aiming for. On the way, I raised my hand to check if the buttons on my jacket were properly fastened, and then tugged at the ends of his sleeves to tidy up his clothes. When I arrived at a distance that was not long, I put my hands on the handrail at chest level and pulled myself up. In that state, I passed one of my legs first and then the other leg, so I barely got my foot down in the space to stand.

It was a small space with no room to turn around, but it was okay. I took my hand off the railing and unconsciously brushed off the dust from my clothes and turned my body. One foot into the air, of course. And without hesitation, I pushed the other foot off the floor. Soon, the dizziness of the fall enveloped my body. It was the thrill of being sucked into death.

Thump.

It was only a fall from the height of the first floor, but the sound of falling on the mattress was quite loud. In addition, since I wasn’t prepared for the fall, I felt a sharp pain in my left shoulder when I hit the mattress. I managed to remember that it was the shoulder that had been hit by the mad dog, but I wasn’t worried about the pain as I stood up. Obviously, you will have to do several more falling shots. However, when I fell, I was worried about what to do if my motion became unnatural to unconsciously avoid touching my painful shoulder.

“Where are you hurt? Shall we deflate the mattress a bit more?”

As I got down to the floor holding my shoulders, the staff waiting next to me asked anxiously. It’s okay, I said curtly and slowly got up. And I opened the roof door thinking that I had to climb these stairs a few more times, but the situation above was completely different from what I thought.

Clang, thud. Clatter.

They had begun organizing the equipment with loud noises. I went to the people who were still gathered in front of the monitor, wondering if they were packing up because they didn’t like this place. But before I even got close, the people who were watching my suicide scene in front of me all raised their eyes and stared at me. Besides, the staff trying to organize the equipment seemed to be glancing at me.

What…

When I looked around at the people with puzzled eyes, PD Jung, who had his eyes on the screen, stood up and gave an order to Director Cho.

“Put the equipment away, and you have to edit a trailer with me today, so let’s go to the office together.”

Was he saying that one take was good? I stood still and stared at him. He looked at the screen again as he stood up, then opened his mouth.

“Taemin. When’s your last filming?”

The last shooting was a scene that listed my daily life before I died. If it goes according to plan, it will be filmed in the studio two days later. But before I could answer, the manager, who was standing in the middle of the crowd watching the screen, answered first.

“Taemin’s next shoot is in two days.”

The director nodded and held out his hand to Director Cho for the schedule.

“Let’s put it off a bit longer.”

“When?”

When the manager took out his notebook and asked, the director looked back at me. But the way he looked at me was a bit strange. It was like when you’re seriously staring at something and thinking hard.

“Mm… I’ll contact you separately. You’re not particularly busy, are you?”

The manager agreed and asked why. The answer I could hear was a small mumble from PD Jung, but it was something like this. He wanted to change the lines a bit.

Of course, that didn’t sound very welcoming to me. Ah, I already memorized all those long lines. With a slightly despondent mind, I approached the staff who was organizing the equipment as usual. I reached out to disconnect the lighting that I had been in charge of for a month, but someone’s hand stopped me.

“Leave it. We’ll do it.”

The staff, who knew when they came, suddenly acted kindly and began to disconnect the lights themselves. In my memory, that employee must have been someone who didn’t like me very much. As I stepped back, I also felt something strange, but I only saw others still standing in front of the monitor checking the footage. Feeling like I was being watched, I looked over your shoulder. Consecutively, I glanced down. Did my pants get ripped while jumping? I turned my head to check my pants, and I felt someone come up to me.

“Why?”

Knowing that the other person was Hansoo, I asked, but instead of chatting like usual, he just stared at me. And then, when I was about to turn around because I couldn’t stand it, I opened my mouth.

“Really.”

Looking at me again, a serious voice continued.

“Really… It was creepy. I don’t know what it is, but strangely, it was like seeing someone really committing suicide.”

“…”

“Did you not know?”

What? When asked, he tilted his head and answered in a whisper.

“Taemin, you were smiling when you jumped.”

***

The manager had to leave separately because of Cha Jungwoo, so I tried to go back by train. Hansoo said he had to stop at school, so I went first, changed my clothes and left, but the manager didn’t go and was waiting for me.

“Where are you going?”

“Company.”

“Why the company?”

“Just because.”

I needed to know something. I swallowed the last words, but the manager didn’t pay much attention to my answer.

“I will take you.”

“It’s okay, so go to work.”

However, the manager pulled me by the arm and lied that he was also going to the company anyway. I thought he wouldn’t listen if I refused again, so I followed him, but I heard a calm voice.

“I think PD Jung likes you. He said he was revising the last remaining script and praised it because of you.”

Why because of me? I didn’t understand, so when I looked back, the manager explained it on his own.

“He was inspired by your acting. Being an actor who inspires creation is a dream of directors.”

He grinned and patted me on the arm.

“But I was really surprised. Just walk straight and jump down like that. Not hesitating or not even looking at the sky. Also, it was perfect for arranging clothes like a character in a play or brushing off dust before dying. When did you plan everything in such detail?”

“… I’ve never planned it.”

He turned around, saying, “Huh?” but I muttered involuntarily, feeling uncomfortable with the compliment.

“It was just an easy performance for me.”

So it wasn’t something to be praised for.

“Is that an easy performance? No, you did really well.”

I burst into laughter at the words of the manager who praised me. It was really easy for me.

“Manager.”

“Hm?”

“You said that no matter how big a mistake you made, if you sincerely apologize, you will be forgiven someday.”

He nodded, as if he knew it was what he said to Myeongshin this morning.

“Yes. Hm… but Myungshin. Sigh.”

I told him my opinion with a small sigh.

“There are sins that can never be forgiven even if you sincerely apologize.”

The manager said in a flustered voice as if he thought I was referring to Myungshin, but somehow a laugh welled up inside me and I couldn’t hear what he was saying. The person who could forgive is dead, so how can one be forgiven?